~~~~~~AL EAST~~~~~~
*Baltimore Orioles*
Strengths: Beautiful ballpark that allows many fans the unique opportunity to get front row seats to see their team in front of a home crowd. I am of course talking about Boston and New York fans here.
Weaknesses: Kevin Millwood is their “ace”. This was a guy who wasn’t even a top of the rotation starter for the Rangers over most of the last 5 years. This includes 2008, when his team had a 5.51 starting ERA.
Deciding Factor: How many more months before Bud Selig decides to take Baltimore out behind the shed and put them out of their misery? Not just talking about the Orioles here.
Fun Fact: I tried to diss Matt Wieters here, but he is so awesome that my computer got a blue screen as soon as I started typing the blasphemous statement. On a Mac.
*Boston Red Sox*
Strengths: It is hard for batters to focus on the ball during John Lackey’s starts, because most of them would rather look away than stare at that ugly mess of a man. It’s just uncomfortable.
Weaknesses: Jacoby Ellsbury is part Native American, so you can expect him to get smallpox pretty soon or succumb to the destructive force of firewater.
Deciding Factor: How many more years can Tim Wakefield get big, stupid hitters to look silly with his fluttering bull ****? I mean, even that kid in Rookie of the Year couldn’t pull it off for more than one at bat.
Fun Fact: For years, the Red Sox were the beloved, humbled team that would inevitably finish behind the hated, entitled Yankees. Now they’re the hated, entitled Yankees lite who will inevitably finish behind the hated, entitled Yankees.
*New York Yankees*
Strengths: Between the acquisitions of Granderson and Vazquez, their offseason moves look like those unbalanced trades the computer does on Playstation where they trade Albert Pujols for Julio Lugo.
Weaknesses: For the first time since coming to New York, I have no idea who Alex Rodriguez is ****ing right now. What the hell New York media, I depend on you for my daily dose of Arod drama.
Deciding Factor: Nick Swisher had a cameo on How I Met Your Mother in the offseason. Let’s hope this taste of fame does not go to his head. The last thing we need is a prima donna in New York.
Fun Fact: The Yankees are projected to spend about $200 million on payroll this year. Of course, if you take out the $30 million in taxi rides to transport women home from Jeter’s flat, $45 million for Arod’s psychiatric care, and the $70 million it takes to feed CC Sabathia, that’s a pretty reasonable payroll.
*Tampa Bay Rays*
Strengths: Are hoping for a new outdoor stadium in the near future, in the hopes that Floridans who want to work on their tans will accidentally find their way in there.
Weaknesses: Have some good players, but they all suck in MLB Power Pros and I’m too lazy to update them.
Deciding Factor: Will you be able to read a single article about the Rays on Fangraphs this season through the Sabermetric ejaculate covering the screen?
Fun Fact: Eva Longoria jokes never get old. Unlike Pat Burrell.
*Toronto Blue Jays*
Strengths: Roy Halladay had a great opening day start.
Weaknesses: It wasn’t for the Blue Jays.
Deciding Factor: Can Vernon Wells justify his contract? Can he justify a roster spot? Hell, can he justify not being euthanized? Actually, I’m pretty sure those are all decided factors.
Fun Fact: I hear that every Canadian has a Zamboni that they ride to the baseball park. Zambonis are awesome.
==Quick Links==
~~2010 Predictions~~
2010 AL East Preview
2010 AL Central Preview
2010 AL West Preview
2010 NL East Preview
2010 NL Central Preview
2010 NL West Preview
~~2009 Predictions~~
2009 AL East Preview
2009 AL Central Preview
2009 AL West Preview
2009 NL East Preview
2009 NL Central Preview
2009 NL West Preview
Showing posts with label Yankees. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Yankees. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Outpitched by that guy from the Aflac commercials
Indians - 10 @ Yankees - 2
At the beginning of the game, Lee looked like crap, and I figured the Yankees had it in the bag. But Sabathia threw 120+ pitches in 5.2 innings while allowing a lone run, while Cliff Lee somehow managed 6 innings of 1 run ball. So it was 1-1 entering the 7th.
Then the Yankees bullpen came in.
It's a really bad sign when Yogi Berra's first pitch was in the dirt and he still pitched better than the Yankees bullpen.
At the beginning of the game, Lee looked like crap, and I figured the Yankees had it in the bag. But Sabathia threw 120+ pitches in 5.2 innings while allowing a lone run, while Cliff Lee somehow managed 6 innings of 1 run ball. So it was 1-1 entering the 7th.
Then the Yankees bullpen came in.
It's a really bad sign when Yogi Berra's first pitch was in the dirt and he still pitched better than the Yankees bullpen.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
AL East Preview
We start off with an informative preview of this year in MLB, starting with the AL East.
~~~~AL East~~~~
Baltimore Orioles
Strengths: In a few years, Orioles fans will look back at this team and appreciate the fact that the 2012 Orioles at least have a shot at 4th in the division, which will have seemed impossible after their 2009 season.
Weaknesses: Felix Pie pronounces his name like a Frenchman instead of a delicious, patriotic pastry. This hatred of freedom will inevitably cause some drama in the clubhouse.
Deciding Factor: If Cal Ripken Jr. came out of retirement, and played at the same level as his peak years, and carried the team to a winning record, it might make it slightly more difficult for the visiting teams fans to fill the park.
Fun Fact: GM Andy MacPhail has the most accurate name in baseball since 1950s pitcher “Michael Kantwin”, who did not win a single major league game in his entire career, primarily due to the fact that he didn’t actually exist.
Boston Red Sox
Strengths: With the additions of Smoltz, Penny and Baldelli along with extensions to Pedroia and Youkilis, the front office is closing in on their goal of a roster of 25 “gritty”, “team-oriented” white guys.
Weaknesses: Julio Lugo
Deciding Factor: The Red Sox are currently appealing to Major League Baseball to allow them to DH for their catcher instead of their pitcher. This change would improve their offense roughly as much as if your local beer league first baseman were replaced with Albert Pujols .
Fun Fact: With the departure of Manny Ramirez and Curt Schilling, there is a power vacuum in the field of “causing unnecessary drama”. Who will step up to fill the void? My money’s on Tim Wakefield. That nice guy façade doesn’t trick me, he was just biding his time until he could take the “Team Asshole” throne unopposed.
New York Yankees
Strengths: The Yankees have finally managed to shed the popular opinion of the other 29 teams, their fans, and most of America that the Yankees try to buy a Championship every year. This was achieved by signing public opinion to an 8 year, $200 million deal.
Weaknesses: Despite his best efforts, Alex Rodriguez has only made the front page of the New York Post in about one-fifth of its issues this offseason. Of course, it should come as no surprise that A-Rod is hitting .200 after September.
Deciding Factor: The Yankees have a great shot at the division unless they forget to stock the postgame buffet for CC Sabathia, as there is a good chance that the team would function less effectively if everybody else on the roster was eaten alive in between games.
Fun Fact: The federal government tried to get the Yankees to bail out the entire US Financial system. The Yankees were unwilling to do so as the Financial System plays shortstop and the Yankees aren’t willing to move Jeter, despite the Financial System having better range.
Tampa Bay Rays
Strengths: The number of players on the roster who have been convicted of domestic violence has dropped significantly in the past few years. While it may seem boring to some, there are a few benefits of having players who can hit a ball instead of a spouse.
Weaknesses: If Rookie of the Year frontrunner David Price does not win the award, Evan Longoria will probably be a real douchebag about it. You know, “accidentally” leaving his RotY trophy outside of Price’s locker and comforting Price with “It’s okay, not ALL top prospects are completely awesome right from the start.”
Deciding Factor: The Rays are hoping that their entire bullpen can recapture the form that led every single player in their bullpen to have the best year of their life last year. This would be preferable to them recapturing the form that made them suck every other year in their careers.
Fun Fact: Jokes that play off the similarity between the names of Evan Longoria and Eva Longoria never get old. Speaking of which, if they had kids, they should totally hyphenate the last names, so you could have Evan Longoria-Longoria Junior.
Toronto Blue Jays
Strengths: In recent years, Toronto has had the talent to contend in the AL East but has repeatedly underperformed when their dominant-on-paper pitching rotation kept getting injured or unlucky. Toronto will not have that problem this year, having already lost all their decent pitchers except Roy Halladay, and thus ridding themselves of any of this so-called “potential".
Weaknesses: Starting pitching, starting lineup, bench, being in Canada
Deciding Factor: Roy Halladay pitched 246 innings last year for a 2.78 ERA. If he can double that inning count and improve his ERA, Toronto MIGHT be able to come in 3rd in the division.
Fun Fact: Due to the exchange rate, a run scored in Canada is worth only .85 American runs.
(Division previews inspired by The Onion Sports, The Brushback Report, Gamefaqs Forums, and various substances of questionable legality)
~~~~AL East~~~~
Baltimore Orioles
Strengths: In a few years, Orioles fans will look back at this team and appreciate the fact that the 2012 Orioles at least have a shot at 4th in the division, which will have seemed impossible after their 2009 season.
Weaknesses: Felix Pie pronounces his name like a Frenchman instead of a delicious, patriotic pastry. This hatred of freedom will inevitably cause some drama in the clubhouse.
Deciding Factor: If Cal Ripken Jr. came out of retirement, and played at the same level as his peak years, and carried the team to a winning record, it might make it slightly more difficult for the visiting teams fans to fill the park.
Fun Fact: GM Andy MacPhail has the most accurate name in baseball since 1950s pitcher “Michael Kantwin”, who did not win a single major league game in his entire career, primarily due to the fact that he didn’t actually exist.
Boston Red Sox
Strengths: With the additions of Smoltz, Penny and Baldelli along with extensions to Pedroia and Youkilis, the front office is closing in on their goal of a roster of 25 “gritty”, “team-oriented” white guys.
Weaknesses: Julio Lugo
Deciding Factor: The Red Sox are currently appealing to Major League Baseball to allow them to DH for their catcher instead of their pitcher. This change would improve their offense roughly as much as if your local beer league first baseman were replaced with Albert Pujols .
Fun Fact: With the departure of Manny Ramirez and Curt Schilling, there is a power vacuum in the field of “causing unnecessary drama”. Who will step up to fill the void? My money’s on Tim Wakefield. That nice guy façade doesn’t trick me, he was just biding his time until he could take the “Team Asshole” throne unopposed.
New York Yankees
Strengths: The Yankees have finally managed to shed the popular opinion of the other 29 teams, their fans, and most of America that the Yankees try to buy a Championship every year. This was achieved by signing public opinion to an 8 year, $200 million deal.
Weaknesses: Despite his best efforts, Alex Rodriguez has only made the front page of the New York Post in about one-fifth of its issues this offseason. Of course, it should come as no surprise that A-Rod is hitting .200 after September.
Deciding Factor: The Yankees have a great shot at the division unless they forget to stock the postgame buffet for CC Sabathia, as there is a good chance that the team would function less effectively if everybody else on the roster was eaten alive in between games.
Fun Fact: The federal government tried to get the Yankees to bail out the entire US Financial system. The Yankees were unwilling to do so as the Financial System plays shortstop and the Yankees aren’t willing to move Jeter, despite the Financial System having better range.
Tampa Bay Rays
Strengths: The number of players on the roster who have been convicted of domestic violence has dropped significantly in the past few years. While it may seem boring to some, there are a few benefits of having players who can hit a ball instead of a spouse.
Weaknesses: If Rookie of the Year frontrunner David Price does not win the award, Evan Longoria will probably be a real douchebag about it. You know, “accidentally” leaving his RotY trophy outside of Price’s locker and comforting Price with “It’s okay, not ALL top prospects are completely awesome right from the start.”
Deciding Factor: The Rays are hoping that their entire bullpen can recapture the form that led every single player in their bullpen to have the best year of their life last year. This would be preferable to them recapturing the form that made them suck every other year in their careers.
Fun Fact: Jokes that play off the similarity between the names of Evan Longoria and Eva Longoria never get old. Speaking of which, if they had kids, they should totally hyphenate the last names, so you could have Evan Longoria-Longoria Junior.
Toronto Blue Jays
Strengths: In recent years, Toronto has had the talent to contend in the AL East but has repeatedly underperformed when their dominant-on-paper pitching rotation kept getting injured or unlucky. Toronto will not have that problem this year, having already lost all their decent pitchers except Roy Halladay, and thus ridding themselves of any of this so-called “potential".
Weaknesses: Starting pitching, starting lineup, bench, being in Canada
Deciding Factor: Roy Halladay pitched 246 innings last year for a 2.78 ERA. If he can double that inning count and improve his ERA, Toronto MIGHT be able to come in 3rd in the division.
Fun Fact: Due to the exchange rate, a run scored in Canada is worth only .85 American runs.
(Division previews inspired by The Onion Sports, The Brushback Report, Gamefaqs Forums, and various substances of questionable legality)
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