~~~~~NL EAST~~~~~
*Atlanta Braves *
Strengths: Signed Eric Hinske, so they are pretty much a lock for a World Series appearance.
Weaknesses: Brian McCann got special glasses last year to help correct his vision and improve his hitting. Unfortunately, this improvement is counteracted by the constant battering of his self-esteem from being called “four eyes” in the locker room.
Deciding Factor: Chipper Jones could have a great year if he stays healthy. In related news, the Braves could afford a much higher payroll if they won the lottery ten times in the next week, which is probably about as likely to happen.
Fun Fact: As the career leader in managerial ejections, Bobby Cox has been had so many early departures from ballgames that he has been made an honorary Dodgers fan.
*Florida Marlins*
Strengths: Going to a Marlins game is basically a cheaper alternative to a tanning booth, as you end up being there alone, getting plenty of sun, and with a bit of ambient noise and distractions that you can tune out with a pair of headphones.
Weaknesses: Remember when Hanley Ramirez was a guy who could not field for his life, but he could hit for average, blast homers, and steal bases? Well, Dan Uggla is that except for the hitting for average and stealing bases.
Deciding Factor: Will the Marlins manage to spend as much on their healthy players this year as the Mets spend on their disabled list?
Fun Fact: I chose Florida as one of my big upset picks in my March Madness Bracket, but that didn’t pan out. I guess that explains why the Marlins don’t play basketball very often.
Fun Fact 2: http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/5624/marlinslost.jpg
*New York Mets*
Strengths: The US military is recruiting Mets fans as battlefield messengers, knowing that if they are captured by the enemy, you can depend on them to hold up to interrogation, because after the past four years, they’re used to prolonged periods of rigorous torture.
Weaknesses: Citifield sapped David Wright’s power almost as much as the Mets’ play sapped their fans’ will to live.
Deciding Factor: Can Johan Santana invent a time machine and exercise his no-trade clause on his move to the Mets? That’s probably the only way to save his career.
Fun Fact: Obama’s new Health Care legislation is estimated to cost somewhere between $800 and $950 billion over the next ten years. So about half of what the Mets spend on health care in a season.
*Philadelphia Phillies*
Strengths: The Phillies signed workhorse Roy Halladay in the offseason with the knowledge that their best chance at success this year is to have the rotation make sure the bullpen never touches the ball, like a season long game of keep away with the fat kid in gym class.
Weaknesses: Brad Lidge starts this year on the DL. I know what some of you are thinking, that’s actually a strength. But Brad Lidge can actually blow saves pretty efficiently without even being on the active roster, so the weakness is that the Phillies haven’t shipped him off into outer space. .
Deciding Factor: Nobody cares how many homers Ryan Howard has in the Homerun Derby this year, the real betting action is on how many walks and strikeouts he gets in the competition.
Fun Fact: After being disappointing for most of last season, Jamie Moyer lost his starting job to Pedro Martinez after an August 9th loss to the Marlins. Pedro went on to pitch three games before Moyer’s last pitch of the outing reached the plate.
*Washington Nationals*
Strengths: Great position in draft for the next 15 years.
Weaknesses: You know that clichéd line about giving it 110%? If everybody on the Nationals did that, their talent would only be about 60% less than league average.
Deciding Factor: If Stephen Strasburg lives up to all the hype and becomes the best pitcher of his generation, Nationals fans can look forward to watching him pitch in a World Series game in six or seven years when he goes to a legitimate team.
Fun Fact: They have a pitcher named Craig Stammen. How does a family get named after plant genitalia?
==Quick Links==
~~2010 Predictions~~
2010 AL East Preview
2010 AL Central Preview
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2010 NL East Preview
2010 NL Central Preview
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~~2009 Predictions~~
2009 AL East Preview
2009 AL Central Preview
2009 AL West Preview
2009 NL East Preview
2009 NL Central Preview
2009 NL West Preview
Showing posts with label Braves. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Braves. Show all posts
Friday, April 16, 2010
Sunday, April 19, 2009
NL East Preview
~~NL East~~
Strengths: The addition of Derek Lowe with his ground ball pitching style should keep the defense busy, because got knows they won’t be doing much in the other half of the inning.
Weaknesses: Helen Keller could probably strike out less often than Jeff Francouer.
Deciding factor:
Fun fact: The Braves signed Chipper Jones to a three year, $42 million extension hoping that at 36 he’ll finally grow out of those injury problems that have plagued him since he pulled a hamstring while kicking in the womb.
Strengths: Many baseball players are pressured by their fan’s expectations of their performance. Luckily for the Marlins, they have no fans, so they can stay stress free.
Weaknesses: The defense of
Deciding factor: The Marlins have signed Scott Proctor, so it’s only a matter of time until Joe Torre becomes their new manager.
Fun fact: The average American’s yearly salary could probably pay for the entire Marlins roster. However, the average Southeast Asian sweatshop worker’s yearly salary is definitely more than the Marlins make in ticket sales each year.
Strengths: Addition of JJ Putz and Francisco Rodriguez gives Mets brand new players to teach in the ancient art of epic choking. It was getting a little boring with the same guys blowing leads in the late innings of every game.
Weaknesses: September
Deciding factor: Johan Santana treads a fine line between “kicking ass” and “kicking too much ass”. The rest of the team treads a fine line between “doing decently well until late August” and “completely and utterly crapping the bed”.
Fun fact: In the time it took me to write these analyses, the Mets could have choked away a 15-game division lead in the last month of the season.
Strengths: Brett Myers lead the Phillies in punchouts last season. He was also second on the team in strikeouts.
Weaknesses: Jamie Moyer was the second best starting pitcher for the Phillies last year. The last time he was the best starting pitcher on a team, it was because the rest of the league’s pitchers were busy fighting at the Battle of Verdun.
Deciding factor: If Jayson Werth does really well again, his marketability could really take off. For example…
http://img14.imageshack.us/img14/5433/werth2.jpg
Fun fact: If Ryan Howard aged a day for each time that he struck out, he would fossilize by mid-May.
Strengths: Added Adam Dunn, a player who brings OBP, HRs, Ks, and an erection for sabremetricians everywhere.
Weaknesses: When Christian Guzman is your team’s All Star Game representative, you should pretty much give up trying to be taken seriously as a ball club.
Deciding factor: It’s the Nationals. Their deciding factor is the rules of baseball.
Fun fact: My little sister’s softball team could beat the Nationals and she doesn’t even exist.
(Division previews inspired by The Onion Sports, The Brushback Report, Gamefaqs Forums, and various substances of questionable legality)
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