Heated Toilet Seats > #1 Starter?

As a man, I understand that the toilet seat is a special place. We have a certain affinity for the "throne;" I couldn't tell you why, just because I am not well-versed in the psychology of excrement, but I know it's true and so do you. Apparently though, I might have underestimated just how important the throne is to both men and women; it seems that in Japan, having a comfortable commode is worth selling your team's ace and national hero halfway around the globe.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/03/sports/baseball/03lions.html?_r=2&ref=sports

I shit you not. If you take a look at the article, there are some seriously strange quotes in there. "Daisuke made such a great contribution to the team for 10 years, so these are kind of his memorial places"? Does that strike anyone else as a rather strange thing to say? And then there's the couple from America, clearly enjoying all that Japan has to offer:
“It looked like a women’s room in a nice hotel with the vanities and sinks,” said Tere Garcia-Pena, visiting from Manhattan with her husband, Miguel. “It was just so nice and clean, I felt like I just wanted to keep going in there.”
I can see it now. "Hunny, let's fly halfway around the globe so we can see what a real stadium can looks like- if I ever have to take one more shit in Yankee Stadium, I think I might cry." And she wanted to keep going in there? Jesus Christ- I know women get bored at ballgames, but seriously? You cannot find anything more compelling to do at a baseball game than taking a piss? Good God.

For clarity's sake, I would like to say that I'm not criticizing what the Lions did with the Matsuzaka money- if your stadium is a shithole, and $51 million falls into your lap, it makes sense to do a little renovating. I am, however, observing that a) this is a seriously strange article and b) I'm pretty damn sure that a #1 starter is more valuable to the long-term success of a franchise than heated toilet seats, an opinion that the writer of the article, a Mr. David Waldstein, seems not to share: "...based on the new amenities, it has been a rather equitable exchange." No, Mr. Waldstein, it hasn't. The fact that Ms. Pena feels exquisitely comfortable while dropping the kids off at the pool will not help the Lions win a single ballgame, or sell a single ticket; no one shows up at the ballpark because they want to take a shit. If you wanted to make the argument that the Lions have made out well because they upgraded the stadium and more importantly they used the Matsuzaka money to get several players to win a championship, then I would have no issue with you. Look at the Mariners in 2001- they lose Johnson, Griffey, and A-Rod 3 years in a row, but win 116 games in 2001 because they then spent that money on a number of other players that filled a number of holes on their team.* But you dedicate one throwaway line to that and spend the rest of the article fawning over the all-powerful hot seat.

I must say, though, I can find no argument whatsoever with this:
“If the bathrooms are nice and convenient, then you do not hesitate to buy another cup of beer,” Takahashi said.
Goddamn right, Takahashi. You're goddamn right.


*Important 2001 Seattle Mariners signed as free agents between Johnson's departure and the 2001 season: Jeff Nelson, Ichiro, John Olerud, Bret Boone, Aaron Sele, Arthur Rhodes, Kaz Sasaki. Important 2001 Seattle Mariners acquired in the Johnson or Griffey trades: Freddy Garcia, Carlos Guillen, John Halama, Mike Cameron. According to BaseballRef, the Mariners' payroll in '98, their last season with all three, was about $53 million, and their payroll in '01 was about $73 million. Obviously there are several factors at work here- maybe ownership didn't want to spend as much money on the team in those years, or there could be something I have no idea about. Also, the 1998-1999 offseason was the offseason when salaries exploded, so it is slightly unfair to compare the before/after years, but what the hell else am I going to do?