"Not So Fast, Alec" says eighteen-year-old

Alec, I know you have a man-crush on Tim Wakefield. I know you've spent a lot of time thinking about exactly which romantic resturaunt you'd take him to in Boston if you ever landed a date with him. But let's be honest, seven no-hit innings isn't a reason to get all starry-eyed about your favorite 42-year-old. Why do I say that? Because some high school kid in Florida just threw his fourth consecutive no-hitter. Yes, four.

http://deadspin.com/5221189/four-no+hitters-in-a-row-ok-thats-impressive

Ridiculous. And this is Florida high school baseball- I'm pretty sure there's a higher quality of play in Florida high school baseball than there is in a couple of the independent leagues. Those kids are ridiculous. And speaking of absurd, the national record is six? In a row? That reminds me of the scene in "Clerks" where Dante gets pissed off about his girlfriend's fondness for fellatio and says to the random customer "My girlfriend sucked 36 dicks!" and the customer responds "In a row?" I can just see it now. "My son threw six no-hitters!" "In a row?" "Why yes, actually." All I can say is that this kid probably won't be lacking a prom date in a few weeks. I know high school sucks sometimes and high school kids are assholes, but I have a feeling that being on SportsCenter should be able to get you a date.


Also, the People's Army for the Liberation of Nick Swisher appears to have scored a big, although not decisive, victory in their most recent battle- Weapon X has a partially torn ligament in his throwing arm and will miss at least a month. I would like to lead off by saying I have no ill will against Xavier Nady- I'm sure he's a good girl, crazy about Elvis, loves horses, and his boyfriend too. And I'm a bad boy for breakin' his balls. But there is no way in all holy hell that he should be starting over Nick Swisher. I realize that Swisher is not going to hit .311 this year. I realize that he will not continue to be the Yanks' most reliable set-up man. I realize he will not cure AIDS, world hunger, and global warming with a swing of the bat. But the man is a better fielder, a switch-hitter that does not have stomach-turning splits between L/R-handers, and projects to be a roughly equal hitter this season. I will post my argument later- I'm not just going to make general statements like that without backing them up (this time, anyway) but I gotta try and fix the mess that is my life. And, more importantly, find some food.